


Change in Events

by Kayla6196



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:46:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayla6196/pseuds/Kayla6196
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry comes home from a shopping trip to find a small envelope on the counter that will change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change in Events

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote this a while back, and I really liked it. There may be a few typos, I haven't reread it in a long time! Let me know if you like it with comments and kudos! I appreciate it! Enjoy! -Kayla

As Harry approached the door of his flat, he placed his hand into his pocket and searched for his house key. Finding the key, he quickly fumbled with it trying to slide the key in using only one hand, within a few seconds the door was opened and Harry walked in almost silently. He walked through the hallway that led to the kitchen and placed the heavy grocery bags he was carrying onto the counter. 

"Louis," Harry called out letting his husky voice echo through the house, he waited a few seconds for a response. He didn't get one; he figured Louis was in the shower or sleeping. He decided against looking for Louis and began putting the groceries away so that nothing would go bad. He emptied the contents of the grocery bag and started putting them into the proper places. He placed a carton of milk in the fridge and turned back towards the island in the middle of the room. An envelope caught his attention, it was laying around the corner of the counter with one single word printed on it, and it read 'Harry'. He picked it up and quickly opened it; he automatically recognized the writing to be Louis'. Pulling the letter out he began reading, his face slowly dropping. 

It read, 

Dear Harry, 

I'm writing this letter for many reasons, and I know how much this is going to hurt to read it but promise that you'll read it to the end, yeah? There's going to be a lot of confessions through out this letter, please don't be mad. Okay, now you may or may not have realized how I haven't been myself lately. 

Lately I've been really sick, not physically but mentally. I haven't been in a good state of mind, to say the least. You probably haven't realized that anything serious was wrong because we just finished touring so you probably thought that I was just really tired because of that but that wasn't the case. I'm not saying I wasn't tired from touring, I was but the pressure just added onto everything that was wrong. 

Please still be reading this, I've recently visited a mental health doctor, the only person who knew I was going was my mum, She was the one who advised it. Nobody else besides her was aware of this not even management. I was diagnosed with bi polar disorder and severe depression, believe me I was as shocked as you probably are based on my previous behavior. I argued with them for over an hour, I kept telling them that there was no way that any of this could be possible, I made them look up some of our videos from The X Factor and the tour and things like that so they could see that I'm happy, but they didn't care. 

My mum was the person who realized that I'd lost quite a bit of weight when I visited her a few weeks ago, she was worried. She badgered me until I admitted that I hadn't been eating more than a few prices of bread a day, I hated the way I looked. None of the boys, not even you realized because I would eat around you guys and then go to the restroom and make myself sick so that I didn't have to technically eat the food. Remember all of those times that I would excuse myself from the table, yeah then. You never asked any questions but I don't blame you because I never wanted you to either. 

I stopped eating regularly about four months ago and within that time I had dropped from 165 down to 135 pounds. It wasn't obvious though, wearing baggy clothes were a blessing in my situation. But, being anorexic wasn't my only problem; I've been struggling with self-harm for well over a year. It started on accident actually, it was after a long day of interviews before our first album came out and I came home to cook some soup because I hadn't been feeling too well. I had accidentally burned my wrist on the side of the pot while putting my soup in the bowl. It hurt but it was a good hurt, I was so stressed and it was as if the pain took all of that away and made me better. 

Slowly, it became a habit. I started off by taking a paper clip and holding over a lighter for a few seconds so it would heat up and i would just place it on my thigh or stomach for a few seconds just to get that feeling to come back. It made me feel so much better, and looking back I know how pathetic that sounds but it helped. Soon after though that wasn't enough, I became even more stressed out because of the album release and the tour starting, the burning didn't help me feel any better. This was when I started cutting, sometimes I would end up doing this three times a week. I was always careful about it, never would I chose a place that could be easily seen. My favorite spots because nobody would ever look there were my thighs, stomach and wrists. Sweatshirts and bracelets quickly became my best friend. Thankfully, nobody had ever noticed, I don't know what I would've done if someone saw. 

Now that I've told you everything I want you to know and to always remember everything that's in the rest of this letter. 

I remember everything about our relationship, it was the most perfect thing that I could ever wish for in the fucked up life that I had behind the scenes. You treated me like a normal person, a normal teenage boy, not Louis Tomlinson one fifth of world famous boy band One Direction and that's more than I could ever have wished for. 

I remember everything about it. The day we met in the urinals backstage at bootcamp I knew that you were meant to be my best friend. You were only a young kid then, your soft chestnut curls lied messily on your head and against your face, I had caught you staring at my face and you shot your head down in embarrassment and let a small "oops" escape from your mouth. I remember how red your face turned and I couldn't help but laugh at the face you'd made but all I could say was "hi". Little did I know that moment would change my life forever. 

When the producers cut us, I was distraught and I could see on your face that you were, too. But, even if you didn't make it through on the show, I knew that you were going to be huge one day, you were just too talented that's why I took the picture with you the day before. But, when the producers called us back and told us that we were put into the group with the other boys I was beyond excited.  
I knew that no matter what happened we would always be friends, you jumped into my arms with excitement, that was the moment that I realized how much I cared about you. 

The following weeks on The X Factor were perfect, you and I became closer and we kept making it through week after week. The night before the finale was probably the most perfect night of my life. We were in the kitchen of the contestant’s house and you were baking cookies for everyone because that's who you are and I walked into the kitchen and you walked over to me and grabbed my hands. I was overwhelmed, I couldn't move and within an instance you quickly placed your lips onto mine and my mind was racing. It was the moment I had been waiting for since that day we made it through to live shows. 

Everything after that was just perfect, even though we were cut from the show the the next night, I was still overjoyed that I've made friendships to last a lifetime and I knew this wasn't the end of the group, it was only the beginning. The night we were eliminated and we had to leave the mansion, I remember distinctly that you pulled me into the restroom and leaned me against the wall. You smelled of vanilla and your hair was damp and lying across your face slightly, and in an instance you planted your lips onto mine like the night before but instead of it being a slight peck on the lips it turned into a furious make out session. We both were unaware of the next time we'd be capable of doing this or when we would see one another. The kiss was full of need, lust and want. We kissed for minutes without breaking apart, our hands entangled in each other’s hair. Once we finally broke apart, we were panting because we were out of breathe, our lips swollen from the force in the kiss. From that moment on, I was sure that you'd be one of the most important people in my life; I couldn't imagine it without you. 

The next couple of months were a bit hectic, we had been signed by Simon and Syco and all of us couldn't be happier. It was an amazing feeling knowing that I'd be able to spend my time doing what I love with the four boys that I cared about the most. In the months following our signing we were able to spend a lot of time together, which I knew we both were quite happy about. 

We had countless sleepovers at one another's house, I cherished each and every moment that we spent together. To think about it I'm pretty sure that's the reason that we moved in together, so we could have sleepovers every night. We used to play board games, I loved it when we played monopoly because when you would lose, you would always turn into a five year old and it was so cute how you huff and complain and accuse me of cheating. I loved how we would play countless games on the Xbox, which you would always beat me at because you'd always end up distracting me and I'm pretty sure it was all intentionally. We'd raid the kitchen and come up with so many different concoctions and no matter how many times they made us sick, we would always come up with something new. 

At first, we would sneak a kiss here and there because after the kiss we shared at the mansion, we were shy around one another when it came to things like that. It started off with me sleeping on the floor in your room but in no time we began sharing your bed. We became more comfortable around each other, our secret kisses turned into heated yet well needed make outs. The morning after every night that I spent with you, in your bed I would think to myself how lucky I am to have met someone like you, someone who cared so much about someone more than themselves. I would wake up in your arms each time, whether your head is nuzzled into my neck or my head testing on your chest, I would always feel safe and secure as if right there was exactly where I needed to be. My favorite thing was when I would wake up on your chest; it made me feel so calm to wake up to the slight movement of your breathing and having your arm around my stomach. 

Right before we went on tour for the first time was when we had our first time together, it wasn't either of our first time but it was the first time when either of us felt like we were with the person we could possibly spend the rest of our lives with. We were at your house your mum and Robin had gone out for the weekend and you had a romantic dinner planned for me. I have never felt anymore special then I did in that moment, I've replayed it over and over in my head since the day that it happened. That same night you asked me to be your boyfriend, in secret of course, management would never let us come out. I was more than overjoyed, I said yes because I knew I cared for you. I still remember that entire night in detail, it was perfect. 

We used to go on all of these secret little dates in the middle of the night and I never cared that I was tired during interviews or performances, I was just happy that I got to spend time with you. One of my favorite dates were when we went ice skating on the lake behind your house in Cheshire, I couldn't help but smile the entire time because it was your idea and you didn't even know how to skate. I would help you keep your balance by holding onto your hands and finally after a few times of trying, you finally learned and the joy you showed on your face was enough to make me cry of happiness. The little things are what matter the most to me. Coming out to our parents wasn't the easiest thing to do, but I was beyond glad that we did it because it was amazing how supportive they were besides my dad but we tried not to let that bother us. Your mum and my mum had become closer because of this, your sister would babysit the girls sometimes and it seemed like everything was perfect. 

That's because everything was going perfect, I know we say all the time that perfect doesn't exist but what we have felt like perfection at it’s best. 

I really wish I didn't have to tell you this but my dad was the reason that I started hating myself and how I was. Whenever I would go home to visit my family, he wouldn't talk to me or ever look at me. Mum had told me how he would tell the girls and her how he resented me and didn't think of me as a son anymore, it killed me inside because I didn't and I still don't understand how me being gay changes anything about who I am as a person but to him it did. He would tell my mum how I was disgusting because I didn't look at life the way that God wanted it, he believed that I should liked girls because that's how God wanted the world, he wanted to send me away for cleansing and to find a cure. My mum told him over and over how hard and complicated my life already was and that him resenting me and trying to change who I am wasn't making it any easier but he didn't care. It got to point where one time I went home to Doncaster and he tried talking to me, that only last a couple of minutes before he began yelling at me and shoving the Christian way of living down my throat. I was furious because he honestly seemed to hate me because of who I was, I told him that if God wanted me to be straight and like girls then God would've made me that way but he didn't, he made me Gay. That God accepts me as who I am, so he should, too. He didn't listen, he told me that God was tempting me, testing me and that I picked the wrong thing and disobeyed him, that I failed him. At this point, I was in tears, he looked at me and said that I was being a baby and I should learn to take my punishment for my decisions and then he hit me. 

I ran out and drove home so I could be with you, I never told you about this because I didn't want to worry you. It wasn't the last time, he'd make me feel so worthless and like I was wrong for being me. I never wanted to make him hate me; I didn't show these emotions to anyone, I didn't know how. This is when my problem with self-harm really picked up, as I mentioned before it started by accident, but that night just threw me over the edge. When I came home i ran to the bathroom, locked the door and found the nearest razor. I just did it, I cut my wrists and I felt absolutely no pain. I felt a sense of relief, he made me feel like I was better. After that it became a habit, I was always seeing the worst in myself and letting the hateful comments get at me. I didn't want to be one of those people that were classified as a cutter but it was an amazing feeling when razor hit my skin and the blood flowed out. 

It sounds sick but that's what I am, Harry. I'm sick. But, not for much longer, it'll be all over soon. I won't have to worry about my dad hating me or anybody else, I'm so sorry that this is going to happen to you and that you're going to have to live with this but I just can't live with everyone except for you hating me. I can't live with my dad beating me because of my sexuality, and I can't live a lie. I'm putting up this facade that I'm perfectly fine and okay, even though I'm not. I hated what I saw what I looked like in the mirror, I hated the scars that covered my body, I just want out. I'm writing you this because you deserve a reason. Please do not think that this is me being weak or looking for the easy way out, I've been strong for too long and I can't do it anymore. 

I should tell you that the pills I took before I started writing this letter are starting to kick in, I don't think I have much longer, please remember that I care dearly about you. I can feel my body going limp, I'm going to go put this on the counter now.

Tell the boys that I love them and I wish them the best, tell my mum and sister that I'm so glad they were always there for me and that I love them. Even tell my dad that I'm sorry he couldn't accept me but I don't hate him because I couldn't accept myself either and I love him. When it comes time, tell the fans that they were incredibly important to me and that I loved them and that even though it doesn't seem it, they helped me as much as they could. 

Harry, remember no matter what that I loved you more than anything in the world. You were the first person to accept me for everything I was; you were my first real crush, my first love. I can't thank you enough for that; I really should go put this in the kitchen before it's too late. 

I want you to know that this was inevitable and it was only a matter of time and I don't want you to blame yourself. I want you to go out there and live your life, find a girl or guy and spend your life with them, love them with all of your heart. I love you, Harry. I'll see you again one day. Please, don't ever forget me, yeah? 

Harry read the letter in absolute silence, when he reached the end he stood there completely still and in absolute shock. He couldn't move, he skimmed over the letter trying to process what he had just read. Dropping the paper to the floor Harry ran to the bathroom and opened the door to see a cold, lifeless Louis laying on the floor. Harry instantaneously broke down in tears and fell to the floor. He grabbed Louis' arm and began crying on his chest. He saw the bottle of pills laying on the floor next to him and he threw them at the wall screaming in grief. He sat there on the floor crying for a good half an hour, he couldn't believe that Louis was so sick to the point where he would take his own life because he felt that would make it all better. Quickly he dialed Liam's number, he heard a soft click at the other line indicating that Liam had picked up. 

 

"Li, please get to my flat now, I just I please." He breathlessly said all of this into the phone, Liam didn't speak for a second. 

"Harry, what's wrong? Please, tell me. Are you okay?" Liam said this with so much worry in his voice, he thought Liam would break down in tears if Harry didn't say anything. 

"It's Louis. Liam, Louis', Louis, I think he's dead, Li, he could be dead, Please, I just please get here." By this time Harry's cries became desperate pleas for help. Liam stayed silent and Harry just sobbed. 

"Harry, we're on our way. Zayn’s calling the hospital right now along with the police. Please, just stay with him and I beg of you, don't do anything stupid we're on our way." Liam was also distraught but he knew how important Louis was to Harry so he was trying to stay strong because he had to be. 

Harry stayed by Louis' side until the other boys showed up along with the police and an ambulance, the police took the bottle of pills down to the station so that they could figure out what drug he had taken, the ambulance brought Louis into the hospital and tried everything they could to save him. They tried pumping his stomach of the drugs but it was too late, they'd reached his heart and he was pronounced dead at 4:27 pm on the 15th of November, 2012. 

The following week was full of funeral planning and addressing the fans. The response to Louis' death was incredible, it seemed as if people couldn't believe it either. They were so helpful and caring, nobody could've imagined the response and support they would have. 

Louis' funeral was on the 23rd of November, 2012. Management decided to hold 2 different ceremonies, a private one which was paid for by his family and one that would be television all over the world. The boys and Louis' family thought that this would be a good idea so that the fans could say one last goodbye to Louis no matter what they were from. Each boy spoke at his funeral, Harry was the last of the four boys to speak. 

As Harry walked up to the podium he looked around at all of the people that had showed up outside of the church and inside. He smiled at them kindly, and finally made his way behind the podium. He grasped the podium tightly and smiled through his pain.

"Thank you," he almost inaudibly spoke to the crowd and to the cameras that were all pointing towards him. "Thank you all for coming out today and for watching at home. I know Louis is smiling down from above and he appreciates how much people care about him. I want to tell you all about the Louis Tomlinson I knew. He was the most kind, caring and sensitive person you could find, sometimes he was too sensitive but that's just who Louis was. He was a great friend, he was always put a smile on your face when you were low. He cared about everyone no matter what type of person they were; no matter how they treated others he would always find the good in them. He knew exactly how to make someone feel special, whether it be a fan that he only got to spend time with for a few minutes or someone that he knew for a few years like myself, he never failed. I feel like this is an acceptable time to tell all of you that Louis Tomlinson was in fact my boyfriend and even though it was a secret, it was the best relationship that I had ever been in. Between our late night secret dates, sneaking kisses to one another in the hallway or sweet text messages, he was defiantly able to make you feel like the only person in the world." Harry looked down at the floor with one single tear peaking out in the corner of his eye.

"He was a great friend, son, brother, boyfriend but more than anything he was an incredible role model. Now, some may argue this because of the recent events but if you knew him like I did, you'd know that no matter what he always tried his best to be happy. He proved to the world that even the most famous people have the most normal of problems and that mental illness doesn't discriminate. From this day forward I'm going to do whatever I can in my power to make sure that I can save as many lives as possible. So if you're sitting in this audience and you're struggling with self-harm or hating yourself or even any of you watching this over television, please get help. Don't let it get this bad; don't be ashamed nobody will hate you for having a hard time. Please, you're important and you have a purpose, no matter how bad you feel things will get better because some day it isn't going to matter what clothes you wore, what your hair looked like, what your homes looked like, what gender you like, none of that will matter. What does matter is that you're happy because that's what you deserve, happiness. May Louis rest in peace and know that so many people will continue to love him for years to come." 

Harry looked down at the floor and broke into tears, he wiped his eyes and stared back out at the crowd of people, he was pretty sure there wasn't one person who wasn't crying. He took a deep breath and began to speak again. "Louis, I love you with all of my heart, and I could never forget you, I'll see you later. It'll be just us two, the dynamic duo back together again." 

Harry backed away from the podium and didn't even bother wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked at everyone teary eyed and they all stood up and clapped and cheered for him. 

Months later the buzz about Louis' death calmed down, the boys are pretty much back to normal except for Harry he's still quite out of it. They've decided to call it quits as a group, at least for now. Their fans are staying by their sides through it all, and no matter how much everybody didn't want the group to disband, they did. The four of them are still best friends but it just didn't seem right for them to be in a band together without Louis. They announced on the 5th of March, 2013 to everyone that they weren't going to be a group anymore. Many were sad but they understood and knew it was for the best. 

 

The boys never did decide to get back together but Zayn and Liam both took a shot at a solo career, both did exceptionally well but they didn't last too long. Harry never got back into singing, he became an activist for teenagers and young adults that were struggling with Bi Polar disorder, Depression and who were struggling with self-harm. He had helped save over 1,000 lives, he had always wished one of those loves could've been Louis' but he knew Louis would be proud of him. Niall, he became a guitarist and traveled around with various celebrities as their background or lead guitarists. All four of the boys lived their lives to the fullest and enjoyed every moment of it. By this time, Liam and Niall have passed away because of old age and disease. Liam died of Natural cause about five years ago and Niall passed away about two years ago from pancreatic cancer, he struggled with it for three years but he just couldn't do it anymore. Zayn and Harry were the last of the boys, Harry was stage three testicular cancer, his final request was to visit Louis' grave before his death. The medics took him there in a wheelchair, he carried flowers and a letter. He placed the two items down on the ground and said his final goodbye. 

The letter read, 

Louis, it's Harry. I want you to know that I lived a good life and I know you would be proud of me. It's time for us to meet again, I'm going to be an old man but I can't wait to see you, I'm ready now. 

Love yours, Harry. 

That night at 9:46 pm Harry Styles was pronounced dead in his sleep on the 27th of August 2064, he lied there peacefully letting his body take its final breath, and in the that moment he was reunited with his first love.


End file.
